Time-Out Thursday/Thank you “Goddamn” Dora

For those of you not aware, there is a much-needed twitter account, @goddamndora.  I think this person read all parent’s minds who have had to endure Dora or other annoying characters on TV.  (Caillou anyone?)  I have been resistant from the start about Dora.  Who is this chica and why do her parents let her go “exploring” with just a backpack, a monkey with ugly red boots, who has to worry about a creepy fox that steals sh*t?  I do not like the fact that she speaks Spanglish, “Hola Amigos!  I’m Dora and this is Boots.  Mira, it’s Swiper the fox.”  I have never been a fan of those, either speak one language or the other, but not both!  (Ok, Handy Manny, Diego, and Ni Hao, Kai-Lan?  It is sooo annoying!)  On a sidenote, I have learned that Nick Jr on demand has episodes of Dora that are purely in Spanish, so I now download those and have them watch that instead.  Ok, continuing…

Even though I have been hesitant to letting my kids watch Dora, the minute my little girl mouthed the word, “Do-ra,” when she saw her in the store and the way her eyes lit up, was the minute my heart melted and I thought I would give this chick a chance.  Now we are on Dora overload:  Dora shoes, Dora pinatas, Dora shirts, Dora coloring books, OH MY FREAKING GOD, what have I done?  Now I can’t get rid of Dora even if I tried, I think my 2 yr old daughter would pimp slap me and say, “Momma, you see those crayons over there?  Yes, those. You want me to make a mural out of that wall?  Yeah… I didn’t think so..”  I’m serious, everyone thinks my girl is the sweetest and cutest  in the world, but when no one is around, let me tell you, she turns into a diva!  So basically, Dora is in our lives forever.  Also, I guess Dora isn’t as bad as I thought because my son somehow repeats things that have been said during an episode or remembers the lesson the show was teaching.  It still boggles my mind though how he does learn anything, I mean trying to get their attention when they are watching their boob tube program is beyond ridiculous.  A freaking freight train that catches on fire that is carrying fireworks  could go through my living room right next to my kids and it wouldn’t even faze them.  “Hello?  kids?  Look at Mommy. Hello………?  Do you hear me?  I’m talking to you!  Turn around… Hey!…You want a cookie?….What, still nothing?…How about some crack?….Hello Hello Hello??!”  Geez,Louise so frustrating.  The trick is to just turn off the TV, and then it is Bam, “Mommy, turn it back on!…. I want to watch Dora!…No it is not over!….I don’t want to go outside!…I’m not hungry!…. Why did you do that , Mommy?”  Ummmm, to make sure you weren’t trapped in your body?  Ok?  I know as a parent of two tots, I am not alone in my annoyances with these TV characters.  Someone out there in this sea of barf inducing kid TV programs, is an angel in disguise, and her name is @goddamndora.  That is my time-out for today and actually everyday when I need a break from all this and need a laugh or two, or three.  It is for my own sanity, because just when I think I am going to go crazy and be taken away in a white suit by 3 large nurses if I hear just one more time, “Swiping, no swiping, swiping, no swiping!  Seriously, shut the F up!,”  I can check my twitter to see what this Dora is tweeting today….

Like:  “First, we go through the rainforest. Next, we have to cross Crocodile Lake. And that’s how I get to school every goddamn morning.”

Or…. “I’ll never find it now? Seriously? All you did was throw it over that fucking bush! Dick.”

Awww, I love you @goddammndora, you might need therapy, but don’t we all?

So what do you think of this whole Dora shenanigan?

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Time-out Thursday

Welcome to Time-out Thursday, where I’ll be posting those special moments when I have needed or took a “Mommy Time-Out.”  You know those times where if your precious child just looks at you the wrong way, you are going to scream your freaking head off and will get those “Mom’s gone coo coo for coco puffs” kind of looks.  Or the situations where you are trying to discipline your little angel and she gives you a puckered lip look and it takes everything in  your power not to laugh.  Yes, those are the times we need to say, “Ok, Mommy needs a time-out!”  So let’s begin!

Yesterday, my husband was driving me to class and the kiddies were calmly entertaining themselves in the backseat.  It was a  rainy and chilly evening, and in California that means people forget how to drive in it.  The car in front of us was going extremely slow, so my hubs switched lanes and the car in front of  him now decided to slow down and turn left.  He goes to switch lanes again and then the light turns red.  Proceeding down the road, we get every single red light that has been invented and get behind every old person that has ever existed.  You can imagine the frustration building in my husband’s face and hands as his jaw clenches and his hands become tightly griped on the steering wheel.  Finally, he has had enough and shouts out “For F**k’s Sake!” forgetting in the moment that we have two little beings in the back that seem to always tune in at the wrong times.  Immediately my son’s ears perk up and his eyebrows lift as he asks:

“Fox?   Where’s the fox?”

Hubs:  “Oh yeah, uhhh the fox, ummm he went that way!”

Son:  “Well, where?  What’s a fox sake?”

My husband glances at me as if to say…”Did I just say that outloud?” and looks to me for some help. 

Me: ” Sorry, you’re on your own buddy.  You said it, you gotta deal with it.”

Since my hubs didn’t answer..

Son:  “Mommy, what’s a fox sake? ”

Well sh*t, what the h-e-double hockey sticks am I suppose to say?  I didn’t say it, arghhh!

Me:  “Uhhh, Mommy is in time-out!”

Son:  “Oh, ok, Mommy.”

Whew!  Point for Mommy as my son just starts playing with his toy cars and his sister’s doll.  (Hey it is OK, he has his car in one hand and taking care of a baby in the other- he multi-tasks!)  Thinking that I have some how gotten away from a sticky situation:

About 10 minutes later-

Son:  “Mommy you still in time-out?”

Me:  “No sweetie, Mommy is not in time-out.”

Son:  “Oh, what’s a fox sake?”

For the love of 8 pound, 19 inch,sweet baby Jesus, help me out kind sir!  Then, my hubs pulls up to the curb that is now illuminating with light as if God is showing me the way….. yes showing me the way out of this situation yet again.  I exit with a smile on my face as I look back at my husband while he gives me a gerbil in a microwave kind of look, “helpless” is the word.  Hey, I was the one last time explaining to my son why we don’t call people a “poopy butt-crack,” I think the hubs can handle this one!

Thanks for joining me in this edition of “Time-Out Thursday.”  What is your time-out moment of the week?

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One Day

ONE DAY

One day, I’ll make more money

One day, I’ll wear that dress

One day, I’ll take care of myself

One day, I’ll stop being a mess

—–

One day, I’ll be strong

One day, I’ll be free

One day, I’ll be more patient

One day, I’ll take you seriously

—–

One day, I’ll have more fun

One day, I’ll keep in touch

One day, I’ll make more friends

One day, I won’t stress so much

—–

One day, I’ll go to the gym

One day, I’ll play more with my kids

One day, I’ll take them to that place

One day, I’ll forgive

—–

I need to stop saying one day and change it to today, cause before I know it

One Day, I’ll pass away

—–

What Life is About
2 Reasons for Doing Things Today

 

Are there things you are putting off for another day?  What is stopping you from doing them now?  

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I’m Having an Affair…

… with coffee!  Oh coffee, how I love you so, you never seem to let me down.  Those who know me might remember a time when I never drank the stuff.  I have always loved the smell of coffee brewing, but never cared for the taste.  It has been a gradual process from yuck, I can’t believe people drink this stuff, to:  Oh Starbucks, yum, I’ll have a sugar laden Mocha frappucino with some sugar sprinkles, and oh yeah with an extra pump of sugar!, to:  Ok Starbucks, I’ll try your regular coffee.  Ok, pretty bitter, me no likey.  I think I’ll stick with the sweet stuff.  Give me a Caramel Macchiato please with extra whipped cream and some extra caramel, oh and a side of diabetes please. Thanks!  Then another progression to: Ok, I think I get this coffee thing now, ok barista, I’ll order a tall, iced Caramel Macchiato, upside down, with an extra pump of vanilla, yeah baby!  (I’m getting better, I kinda laid off some of the extra sugar right?)  To the present:  Ok Starbucks, I am tired of wasting all this money on you when I am capable of brewing my own coffee in the comfort of my own home.  As long as I have a bucket size of coffee grounds, a gallon of half/half, and some splenda, I am set!  I never need to see you again!  I am talking to Starbucks, not the coffee itself, because my love affair is not with Starbucks though you could have interpreted it as so, but my affair is still with coffee and I do not intend in ending it, ever!  My husband will just have to understand that coffee will always be the other man in my life, please do not make me choose.  I would hate to split up the family, sad I know. 

I have listed below my 5 favorites in case you were wondering which ones are worth “cheating” on your partner with.

1.  Jose’s Vanilla Nut (at Costco) – delicious and sinful at the same time

2.  Don Francisco’s Hawaiian Hazelnut – reminds of the time I spent in Hawaii, or wait was that L & L ?

3.  Don Francisco’s 100% Columbian Supremo

4. Don Francisco’s Vanilla Nut

5. Yuban’s Dark Roast 

As a mom, coffee has become a life saver.  It helps pull me through the days when all I want to do is shut my eyes and sleep till noon like my pre-kid days.  So since those days are far behind me and I will probably never be able to sleep that long again, I have to rely on Mr. Coffee to get me up in the morning.  On the days that I don’t feel tired and do not need that caffeine jolt, oh wait, I don’t think that has EVER happened, so nevermind…

Well, what are your favorite coffees?  Please share so I can try them!  I always like to spice things up!

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